The following is a partial transcript of a panel featuring
Mark Gatiss and Andrew Scott at Sherlocked on Sunday April 26 2015.
Rather than a technical issue, we missed the opening of the session
thanks to the London Marathon! Swiftly shown through a side door by
convention security, the first thing we heard on approaching the
panel hall was the gigantic gales of laughter reverberating from
within - something that continued throughout the remaining 45
minutes of the hugely silly and thoroughly entertaining panel
transcribed below, which picks up with Andrew describing his
ongoing surprise at the ongoing success of Sherlock.
Andrew: I couldn't imagine that five years later I'd be sitting
in a fake set in front of all these people with the writer, I never
thought that. It's very rare that you find a script that's as well
written as Sherlock. It's just rare, you don't find them. So I did
think it was going to be very special and I did think that people
would respond to it, but no I had no idea it would be the
international success it is, and it would find its way into
people's hearts, so that all down to... [looks at Mark] I can't
remember you name.
Mark: Nor can I.
Audience Question 1: Hi my name is Natalie. I just
really wanted to know, what are your favourite lines from the
show?
Mark: Favourite lines...
Andrew: Oh.... where is Natalie?
Mark: She's not in the room.
Andrew: [Laughs] I'm just hearing it.
Mark: I think mine is "All lives end, all hearts break."
[Audience applauds]
Mark: Caring is not an advantage. It's true. But where would we
be without love? Eh? Andy? [clears throat]
Andrew: [Laughing] Exactly.
Mark: We need a song now. At this time of the evening I like to
do a few songs.
Andrew: What's my favourite line? There's so many brilliant,
brilliant lines. [Laughs and then pauses]
From the Audience: Did you miss me?
Andrew: Did you miss me? God, I haven't heard that one
before.
[Audience laughs]
Andrew: I think when I had to say in the first series "That's
what people do!" when it's said 'People have died.' "That's what
people do." Which is a line that you wrote. I thought that was a
really brilliant line, because it was the first time that I got an
opportunity to reveal how dark he could go, and that was actually
before the 'burning the heart out of you', so I thought that was a
very brilliant line because it was so apparently nonchalant in a
way, I thought it was very dark.
Audience Question 2: I'd like to know if you built a
back story for Mycroft and Sherlock when they were children,
because they hate each other so much, so what did you do to him as
a kid? And secondly I'd like to thank everyone in yellow as you
guys rock! [Sherlocked event staff and stewards wore yellow
t-shirts]
Andrew: Yes! Absolutely!
Mark: Everyone in yellow in the whole world?
Audience Question 2: And finally because a lot of us are
foreigners, if you, sir, the host, you've been asking great
questions but we don't know who you are if you could give us your
credentials as we don't know you.
Andrew: You got a date!
Moderator: I'm...
Mark: I can exclusively reveal that David is the villain in
Series Four!
[Andrew and the audience explode with laughter]
Mark: So you know, be careful what you say! Yes of course, there
is a back story, but as George Lucas could have taken a very good
lesson, [Yoda voice] "Back story reveal you not do." It's there,
but we are dripping it out in bits and pieces because that's where
the fun is. Sherlock and Mycroft have a very spiky relationship but
obviously it comes from a place of deep affection I think. It's a
very 'family thing'. We did actually take a bit out of The Great
Game, which was very explicitly about what might have gone on, we
thought it was a bit too early. There are some clues, really, about
what's gone on. But stay tuned! Sometime in the next thirty years
you will find out!
Andrew: If we're not dead!

Audience Question 3: Hi my name is
Charlotte...
Mark: "What's yer name and where d'ya come from?" I love that.
Why doesn't someone bring back Blind Date? It's the best programme
ever.
Andrew: Absolutely! "If you were a cocktail... [Mark laughs] I'd
be a Malibu and Pineapple."
Mark: [to Charlotte] Sorry! Hello! Lot of people here don't
understand it!
Audience Question 3: I was wondering Mark, whose idea
was it to use 'Lazarus' as the codeword?
Mark: Mine. [Pause] Well, it's you know... obviously, there is
precedent. [Laughs] It's the person that Christ brought back from
the dead. Obviously it is an in-joke, because I played Professor
Lazarus in Doctor Who.
[Audience cheers and applauds]
Mark: You are allowed to clap. [Adopts an American accent] "I
made this little picture called uh, 'Doctor Who." We did this
yesterday, the James Lipton thing [from 'Inside the Actors Studio]
that Americans always do. "I came over here to do a little picture
called 'A Fish Called Wanda'".
[Andrew laughs]
Mark: They build it in don't they? I love that. Little place for
applause. [Pause] Yes.
Audience Question 4: My question is for Andrew. I was
wondering what made you think to improvise your dancing in the
Tower of London break-in?
Mark: The Thieving Magpie.
Andrew: Well the music is so amazing, and I just kept playing
it. [Laughs] I don't know, I can't really answer that question,
other than it just seemed a very audacious thing for the character
to do, to dance, to enjoy it. The great thing about Moriarty is
that he really enjoys himself. The people around him are not
enjoying themselves very much, but he does. He's got a weird,
messed up Joie de vivre. The music is really extraordinary, and it
seemed to sort of strike me to dance, so I did.
Mark: So Toby Haynes, who directed that episode, he does that a
lot. He did it in Doctor Who as well actually, of pumping the
actual score onto the set to get everyone really buoyed up.
Andrew: Yeah, because when you hear the music live, rather than
'we're going to be playing this music later' and you never hear it,
it's brilliant, it feels like live theatre.
Audience Question 4: I wanted to ask about the
relationship between Moriarty and John in the show. because we hear
a lot about Sherlock and Moriarty. I was wondering what Moriarty
thinks of John and the role he has in Sherlock's life?
Mark: Well he says he thinks of him as a pet. He's like
Sherlock's human companion, because they are very alike - "we're
very alike you and I, Mr Bond." Moriarty regards Sherlock as an
equal, or almost his equal, and vice versa, he thinks it is quite
cute and sweet that he has someone following him around telling him
how good he is. They both operate on a slightly Olympian plane, and
whereas Sherlock can actually understand what the rest of us are
talking about, or growing to understand more, I think Moriarty just
thinks of him as like an amusement, really.
Andrew: I think he is envious of him as well.
Mark: Oh yeah. Would you like one? Moriarty should have had a
companion. Interesting. Who would that be?
Andrew: Dave!
Mark: I'm afraid that's taken care of! [Pause] Maybe an actual
pet! Like a chihuahua or something.
Andrew: A goat!
Mark: No, a talking chihuahua!
Andrew: [Laughing] Too similar to me!
Audience Question 5: Do you have any funny stories from
set? And embarrassing ones are encouraged.
Mark: Uh, no. We have none. Nothing funny or embarrassing.
Andrew: There was... no, that wasn't really...
Mark: Has anything happened recently? I say 'recently'.
Andrew: Remember we smiled at that joke I told you.
Mark: Oh yes!
Andrew: You remember?
Mark: 2010!
Andrew: In 2010!
Mark: Oh it was funny! That was a good day!
Andrew: They were good days!
Mark: That was A good day.
Andrew: November.
Mark: Oh yes.
Andrew: It was just before Christmas, and remember I said...
Mark: [lost in reverie] Oh!
Andrew: [also lost in reverie] Oh!
[Audience is laughing throughout, then applauds]
Mark: Trying to think of something. The obvious one you've all
seen now, which is when Benedict fell over in his sheet. I don't
know. Honestly, I'm not just saying this, we essentially make three
films in a very short space of time, very hard work, and it's very
pressured, and obviously we do have a laugh, but if something goes
wrong it tends to be a problem! Rather than being something you
actually want to have a laugh about in that way. I mean we do have
a good time but I can't think of any specifics, there isn't really
a gag reel. You can see the things that were on the DVD...
[wistfully] remember DVD? Some of the banter and stuff before
takes, it's more like that sort of thing rather than anything
colossal. No, I really am sorry. It's terrible. This is going to
kill conventions for the rest of time. I'll have to start inventing
some. Like other people do.

Audience Question 6: Hi my name is Rachel.
Andrew: Rachel is in a straightjacket, just for people who can't
see her!
Mark: Oh you see I was literally going to say 'Rachel has a
beard, I'm... worried.'
Audience Question 6: It's a two part question, first
part to Mark. How did you decide on the incidental music for
Moriarty, like for the Tower of London? And to Andrew, if you could
pick a new ringtone for Jim, what would you pick and
why?
Andrew: Definitely something by Taylor Swift!
[Cheers and applause]
Mark: I'm going to say this now and I genuinely mean it. I don't
know who that is.
Andrew: You don't know who Taylor Swift is? She is the darkest
human being on the planet.
[Audience explodes with laughter]
Mark: Is she? What's she done? Is she 'kiss a boy and she liked
it?'
Andrew: No, that's... um... I hate that song.
Mark: Hey, Top of the Pops is coming back!
Andrew: [Enthusiastically] Is it?
Mark: It is, Friday nights. Unfortunately with Fearne Cotton.
Don't print that. [Andrew laughs] It's coming back, isn't that
exciting?
Andrew: When was that?
Mark: Just the other day! The incidental music, the music of
course is David Arnold and Michael Price, and The Thieving Magpie
was Toby Haynes, the director's decision. Everything else was David
and Michael's brilliant score. [Pause] Have a shave now.
Audience Question 7: In the original stories Moriarty's
presence is basically very much in the background even though you
know he is there, so I was wondering why you decided on putting him
in basically every single episode?
Mark: The good thing is, going back to the original stories,
we've said this a lot but, you know... Conan Doyle essentially
created the idea of the supervillain, and one of the reasons we
wanted to go in a very different direction, and then when we saw
Andrew everything came together to make him a very different kind
of figure. But also it was mostly the change from the original idea
of doing six hour long episodes into three ninety minute films
meant we had to bring everything up a bit scale wise. The original
plan would have been by the end of episode five or six we would
have started to introduce the concept of Moriarty, but we sort of
just brought it right up to the beginning so that Phil Davis'
character in A Study in Pink is actually a part of the conspiracy,
and then there's a little bit of him in The Blind Banker and then
it comes to fruition. So it's about foregrounding that stuff
because of the scale of it, but also the notion of Moriarty as
Sherlock's archenemy is entirely a creation of the films. We've all
become used to it as they are the great sparring partners. So we
were trying to be careful not to overuse him, and in fact it's one
of the measures of Andrew's brilliance that actually he's not on
screen that often, but he has a huge presence. It's more about
that. But really it was about foregrounding the character earlier
because of the scale of the films really.
Audience Question 8: If you could be any other
character, who would you be and why?
Mark: In Sherlock? Mrs Hudson.
Andrew: Oh, I'm going to have to say someone other than Mrs
Hudson.
Mark: Mr Hudson!
[Audience laughs]
Mark: He had a great time actually!
Andrew: Janet Hudson! [Mark laughs] Mrs Hudson's bitter
sister.
Mark: [Laughing] That's a great idea. Barbara Windsor could play
her.
Andrew: She's really messy. Yeah, Barbara Windsor as Janet
Hudson.
Mark: Maybe Harry Watson, she likes a drink, that'd be fun. Oh I
don't know. I'd like to be Rupert Graves because he's so
handsome!
[Audience cheers and applauds]
Audience Question 9: If you could meet your characters,
what would you ask them?
Mark: [American accent] 'How d'you look so good all the
time?'
Andrew: [American accent] 'What is your beauty regime?'
Mark: [American accent] 'Have you been working out?'
[Andrew has dissolved into giggles, while the audience is
howling with laughter throughout]
Mark: That's what I'd ask.
Andrew: [American accent] 'Have you been working OUT?'
[Laughing] 'Are you beach body ready?' [Still laughing] How do you
get beach body ready? What the hell does that mean? Anyway...
Mark: There you are.
Audience Question 10: Out of all the characters in
Sherlock, who do you think is the most fashionable?
[Mark and Andrew share a glance at each other, before Andrew
mimes...]
Andrew: 'WESTWOOD!'
[Audience cheers and applauds]
Mark: This is the little known fact, that's what we're here for.
It was originally 'PRADA!' and we couldn't afford it!
[Andrew and the audience explode with laughter]
Andrew: It's a much better line 'Westwood', much better!
Mark: Yeah, yeah.
Andrew: I think that answers that.
Audience Question 11: Hi, I'm Lydia, from the
US.
Mark: Whereabouts?
Audience Question 11: Louisiana, New
Orleans.
Mark: Lovely.
Audience: You're both fabulous first of
all.
Mark and Andrew: Thank you.
Mark: It sounds like Kevin Spacey is in the room.
Andrew: What? [Giggling]
Mark: It sounds like Kevin Spacey is in the room. House of
Cards. Hello.
Audience Question 11: That you for everything you put in
that draws reference from the Canon. But are you really talking to
us with ties?
Mark: Talking to you with ties?
Audience Question 11: Talking to the fandom through your
ties.
Mark: Oh! I've seen a bit about this, I find it extraordinary. I
was saying a bit about this yesterday, some people read amazing
things into it, as if we've taken over London and repainted things.
Someone asked me yesterday if we put the Pathology Department thing
under St Bart's Hospital. No, we said no! [Andrew laughs] No,
there's literally nothing on the ties. First tie Andrew wears has
skulls on it, which was a design decision. I've seen something
about my tie having umbrellas on, it doesn't, they are swifts I
think, they are birds. There's nothing, there's no tie code. No tie
code. Sorry. I wish we'd been that clever, but we haven't.
Sorry!
Andrew: Thai food!
Mark: Yes! All the messages are in the Thai food!
Audience Question 12: My question is about the ringtone
as well. Mark, why did you pick Staying Alive, and also Andrew, are
you a BeeGees fan now?
Mark: We chose it because we're big fans of the BeeGees. No,
obviously it's the obvious thing to do for the whole idea of
'staying alive' and the suicide and all that, but also it then very
quickly became a brilliant campaign didn't it? Which was a total
coincidence. If someone collapses in front of you, the way to
restart someone's heart is [the rhythm] to Staying Alive. It's
rather clever that. Wasn't my idea. But we are huge fans of the
BeeGees, aren't we?
Andrew: Uh...?
Mark: Just say it!
Andrew: I'm not so big a fan of the BeeGees.
Mark: I love the BeeGees!
Andrew: I like their songs. [Laughs] I just don't their...
Mark: Hair. Two of them are DEAD Andrew.
Andrew: Double denim.
Mark: [American accent] Can you live with that?
Andrew: I can live with that!
Mark: [American accent] 'Are you beach body ready?'
[Andrew laughs]
Audience Question 13: Hello! We're from South America!
Chile!
Mark: South America!
Andrew: South America!
Mark: Chile! Gosh, it's like the bridge of the Starship
Enterprise!
Audience Question 13: First of all, you have a lot
of fans in Chile, and I was wondering if you could say hello to
them for the camera!
Mark: Yes! HELLO CHILE!
Andrew: HELLO CHILE!
Audience Question 13: Sorry! She wasn't recording! Can
you say it again?
Mark: YES! Ok, give us a countdown. 3, 2, 1...
Mark and Andrew: HELLO CHILE!

Audience Question 13: Thank you! I have a question for
Mark and Andrew. For Mark - are we going to see more of James
Moriarty's second in command, Moran? And for Andrew, what would you
think Moriarty's second in command would be like if he had one,
like Sherlock has John?
Mark: Well, we made a conscious decision in The Empty Hearse.
Colonel Sebastian Moran is the main villain in the original story,
The Empty House, and we toyed with the idea, but the thing is he's
basically not as good as Moriarty. There is a character, the
assassin is called Moran but it's just a nod to it really. I mean
it doesn't rule out the possibility of it, but I think it sort of
slightly takes away from the pre-eminence of the main villain if
you've got a second in command who isn't quite as bad, you know?
He's like the nineteen most dangerous man in London I
suppose. So it doesn't rule out the possibility but not in the
immediate future I don't think.
Andrew: I haven't thought about that too much as I do think one
of the main things I think about...
Mark: Also you can't read.
Andrew: I can't read. I can't read, I haven't read any of
these scripts. Mark just says every line to me, and I repeat it.
[Mark and Andrew laugh] Out of the corner of every one of my close
ups you can see Mark.
Mark: This little billow of cigar smoke.
Andrew: But one of the things I think about in playing the
character is how lonely the character is. I think that's important
for me, just to think of him as a solitary figure, so I don't like
to think about that too much.
Mark: All he's got is the talking Chihuahua.
Andrew: And Dave.
Audience Question 14: Hi, I'm Nellie.
Mark: Where are you from Nellie?
Audience Question 14: I'm from Portsmouth.
Mark: Nellie. That's a lovely name.
Andrew: Gorgeous.
Mark: I want to be called Nellie.
Audience Question 14: And it's my birthday
today.
Mark and Andrew: It's your birthday!
Andrew: Happy Birthday Nellie!
Audience Question 14: Thank you.
[Audience is applauding]
Mark: Everybody sing Happy Birthday to Nellie please!
[Mark, Andrew and the whole hall sing Happy Birthday - Mark
commands "quicker!" after the first verse. The song concludes with
applause]
Audience Question 14: Do you shave for Sherlock
Holmes?
[The audience explodes in whoops and cheers]
Mark: Actually I do, I'm not going to tell you where.
[Mark, Andrew and the audience all collapse into laughter]
Mark: Well actually I do now. I often wear a beard these days,
and I have to, to do Sherlock, so yes, I sort of do! Andrew?
[Andrew is silent. The audience laughs]
Mark: [American accent] 'Are you beach body ready?' [Andrew
roars with laughter] You've got a vajazzle haven't you?
Andrew: [Still laughing] I vajazzle for... let's not...
Mark: I vajazzle for Sherlock.
Andrew: Yeah. Get those printed up.
Mark: We've baffled people in here.
Audience Question 15: Hi, I'm Tommy. Andrew, we know
you're beach body ready. Mark, are you beach body
ready?
Mark: Yes. But I'm not going to tell you which beach. [Laughs] I
think I'm beach body ready for Morecombe! [Laughs]
Grange-Over-Sandes ready. Anywhere I'm beach body ready for, a kind
of grey English beach with a red flag up! [Andrew is constantly
giggling] Like in a public information film. Where are you from
Tommy?
Audience Question 15: I'm from Kansas.
Mark: Kansas! [Slightly mock ominously] There's no place like
home. [Andrew laughs]
Audience Question 16: What is your favourite character
that you have ever played?
Mark: [American accent] Andrew Scott. [Pause] That's not my
favourite character! Although I am playing you...
Andrew: ... the biopic!
Mark: I'm playing you in the biopic aren't I. Too tall.
Andrew: It was between you and Sally Field.
[Mark and Andrew both roar with laughter]

Mark: [to Andrew] Go first.
Andrew: That's the name of the biopic. 'Go First.'
Mark: Hugo First.
Andrew: Hugo First. What's my favourite character that I've ever
played? [pause] I genuinely don't have one. I'm sorry to not be
able to answer...
Mark: [under his breath] Moriarty.
Andrew: ...but you like to...
Mark: [under his breath] Say Moriarty.
Andrew: [stumbling] ...you like to... um...
Mark: [under his breath] Just say it.
Andrew:... James Moriarty.
[Audience laughs and applauds]
Mark: I think mine is Peter Mandelson, who I've just played in a
thing called Coalition.
Andrew: Oh yeah!
[Audience applauds]
Mark: In fact the writer James Graham just this morning
forwarded me the email from Lord Mandelson. He rather liked it, so
that was a relief!
Andrew: Oh great!
Mark: Yeah. I'd like to play him again. In the sequel Coalition
2, which is coming very soon! To all our lives! On May 7th! [The
panel took place before the UK Election, where the UK did not end
up with a second coalition government]
Audience Question 17: Which British actor do you wish to
work with?
Andrew: Oh that's a really good question.
[An extended pause while the pair ponder it]
Mark: We've worked with all of them haven't we?
Andrew: [plummy English accent] I think we've worked with
everybody haven't we darling?
Mark: [plummy English accent] I think we have, there isn't
anyone left now.
Andrew: [Plummy English accent] Oh there's nobody left!
Mark: Oh I don't know. I'm working with Judi Dench at the
moment, which is amazing.
Andrew: Oh how is that?
Mark: It's... amazing.
Andrew: Is it? Oh, I'd love to work with Judi Dench.
Mark: You're working with Daniel Craig.
Andrew: I'm working with Daniel Craig, who is a fantastic
actor.
Mark: Ralph Fiennes. I'm saying that deliberately.
Andrew: Ralph Fiennes, yeah.
Mark: Well, loads. I love Eddie Redmayne, I'd love to work with
Eddie. I say Eddie. I don't know him. Actually, I'd love to work
with an actor called Ian Somerhalder as he's SO HOT. I love
him!
[The audience whoops and cheers]
Andrew: I don't know him.
Mark: You do know him. You'd know him if you saw him.
Andrew: Ok.
Mark: I'll show you some pictures! [Laughs]
Andrew: Oh on your screensaver?
Moderator: [Mock wearily] Next question
please.
Mark: David feels like he is losing control of the room!

Audience Question 18: This is a question for Andrew.
Were you free to act how you wanted when playing
Moriarty?
Andrew: I do feel free. That's a very good question actually.
When it's as well written as it is you have a sort of foundation
from which to spring from, create from. So I do feel very free and
I don't feel like there is any one way to play the character. I
think it's very important that he is surprising, so in that sense
it does have to be very playful. So I always say there are some
takes that are extremely embarrassing and wrong and everything, and
some of them are ok. You have to learn to give it up at the end,
it's one of the things you have to learn as an actor - give the
director and the editor as much choice as possible, and then you
have to give up and hope that they make the right choice, which
sometimes isn't the choice that you'd go for yourself. But yeah,
you just give it up and they make the decision. I think it's very
important, I think what people look for is listening and
playfulness and I think that's what the audience likes so I do feel
free, mercifully.
Audience Question 19: I was wondering Mark, when you are
writing the scripts how do you choose what to include or change
from the original stories?
Mark: Well, Steven and I have just been - we're not on a train,
which is annoying us - but we've just been having a little chat
upstairs about SERIES FOUR....
[Audience cheers]
Mark: ... which we're making in 2083. It always starts with what
stories we'd always like to do, which favourite stories, things
like that. But it's more these days about where the rest of the
narrative is going for our series really and what might fit into
that. And as ever we're talking about using parts of stories or
certain larger arcs, and things like that. But it's always been
right from the beginning as we've said, because we're so inspired
by the Basil Rathbone films, a kind of magpie principle, so you
take a bit from this story, take a bit from that. Sometimes there
are some larger parts, more or less based upon a story but
sometimes it's just a fragment really. So it's the same principle.
But it tends to be led by favourites, and the sort of things we
want to dramatise which have very rarely been done, like doing
their first meeting, or the - I say this a lot - beating the
corpses, which is never done, and it's great to find those bits.
People often credit us with coming up with things and we just go
'no, it's all in Conan Doyle', just no one knows about those bits
because they're not very famous. SO that's the principle
really.
Audience Question 20: Hi, my name is Amber, I'm from
Whitstable.
Mark: Oh, I love Whitstable. Do you live on the beach?
Audience Question 20: I live near the
beach.
Andrew: [American accent] Are you beach body ready?
[Mark and the audience laugh]
Mark: Now I'm ready for Whitstable, that's where I'm ready
for.
Audience Question 20: I have two questions. One - why
are you both so perfect? And two - do you feel there is a romantic
side to Moriarty's obsession with Sherlock?
Mark: Why are we so perfect?
Andrew: You know what? I think perfect is completely stupid and
offensive. [Mark laughs] I think that when we say people are
perfect it's so...
Mark: Don't take that the wrong way Amber!
Andrew: No, I know you didn't mean it that way, but nobody is
perfect and actually what is beautiful about people is they're
imperfect and you love them anyway. Nobody is perfect.
[Audience applauds]
Mark: That's why the final line of Some Like It Hot, it tells
you everything, it's just the most beautiful summation of what it
means to be human.
Andrew: Absolutely.
Mark: But I am perfect. So I would say that.
Andrew: But I don't think you're human.
[Audience laughs]
Mark: No, there's no romantic side. I think there was a kind
of.... as Andrew says, Moriarty is the dark side of Sherlock, he's
like a shark I think, just silently moving, constantly moving. I
have no idea what kind of a home life he would have, but I don't
think there's anything romantic there. In the brilliant Basil
Rathbone film The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, George Zucco -
fantastic Moriarty - he's been on trial, he comes back to his
house, and his servant has not watered one of his plants, and he
engenders telling off this servant with such menace, it's just
brilliant. That's all he cares about is his plants, and it's a
really lovely idea because you get the impression he doesn't care
about people at all, but this is really important. It's a little
glimpse really into a silent lonely life.
Audience Question 21: Slightly random question - if you
were to appear on Mastermind, what would you have as your
specialist subject?
Mark: Andrew.
[Audience laughs]
Mark: I've started so I'll finish. [Andrew laughs] Don't say
that anymore do they? I've been asked onto Mastermind a couple of
times but...
Andrew: You'd be brilliant at it...
Mark: Oh, it's so... I'm going to get into trouble... it's so
dumb these days. They had somebody doing The League of Gentlemen
the other day, and the questions... well I didn't get them all
[laughs]... but they're so basic.
Andrew: Really?
Mark: That's the celebrity one anyway, but I dunno. Probably
Sherlock Holmes I suppose. Or James Bond or Doctor Who. Something
like that. Obvious.
Andrew: James Bond? Really?
Mark: Yeah!
Andrew: Really? Ummm...
Mark: Don't pull that face!
Andrew: Mine would be something to do with art. I like art,
modern art maybe.
Mark: [American accent] Who is your favourite painter?
Andrew: [American accent] My favourite painter is David Hockney.
Why am I saying that in an American accent?
Mark: Because it's always there. Because you can't do a
Scarborough accent!
Andrew: Exactly!
Audience Question 22: I wanted to know why there is a
ring on Mycroft's right hand? It's not a wedding ring
right?
Mark: It's not a wedding ring, no it's on the left hand. So it's
not a wedding ring, it's just a ring. No mystery. Annoying isn't
it?
Audience Question 22: It's only for
fashion?
Mark: It's for fashion.
Audience Question 22: Really?
Mark: [holding up his hand] This is my wedding ring. This is
just a ring. Or am I lying?
[Audience laughs]
Audience Question 22: Oh no! That's cruel!
Audience Question 23: What traits of your characters do
you have, or think you have?
Andrew: Ummmmm...
Mark: Chilling lack of compassion? [Andrew laughs] Total
contempt for the human race?
Andrew: I would like to think that we are both good at a party.
I think Moriarty would be good at a party.
Mark: Yeah I think we could work that route.
Andrew: Ain't no party like a Moriarty party!
Mark: A Moriparty!
Andrew: A Moriparty.
Mark: Episode.... eleven. The Moriparty. Oh. I dunno. I've said
this before: exquisite dress sense, and a very nice bottom.
[Andrew and the audience laugh]
Mark: You know it, you said it.
Andrew: I said it!
Mark: You're always saying it.

Audience Question 24: Hello, I'm Mary from Ireland.
First Andrew, thank you for yesterday for the pictures of my
signs.
Andrew: Oh, no problem. There's a vote at the moment for
marriage equality in Ireland that Mary is supporting and there's a
referendum on May 22 about gay marriage in Ireland, and if it goes
through it will be the first time it's been voted in by the public,
not by a government, so if you know any Irish people who are
eligible to vote please ask them to register. It would be
brilliant, it would help Mary's cause.
Mark: Our people Andrew!
[Audience applauds and cheers]
Mark: I mean the Irish! [Laughs]
Andrew: You're Irish?
Audience Question 24: We saw Moriarty trick Sherlock
into thinking he was gay, so do you think Moriarty is Bi or is just
unbelievably good at manipulating people and actually has no
interest?
Mark: He's Bi... one get one free. [Andrew laughs] I'm here all
week. Just feels like it.
Andrew: No, I think that would be really wrong to label, I think
labelling people's sexuality anyway is becoming... I dunno...
Mark: Difficult.
Andrew: Difficult, exactly. But for Moriarty I don't think it's
helpful. I would never speak about that as it could be very
reductive. I do think there is an obsession that he has with
Sherlock, and I think the joy of it is people can read into it
whatever they want to.
Audience Question 25: If you had to spend the day with
your characters, where would you take them and what would you
do?
Andrew: Probably go to Mamma Mia.
[Audience laughs]
Andrew: We could all go together. Mycroft, Moriarty, Mark and
Andrew. [Mark and Andrew laugh] That's so weird.
Mark: "Chiquitita tell me what's wrong"
Andrew: [Laughing] And then we could go to Angus Steakhouse
afterwards for steak. Other steakhouses available.
Mark: I'm not sure that would work out really. Has anyone been
to the Harry Potter thing in America? The Experience? It's
absolutely unbelievable. I haven't been, I've seen the pictures,
it's terrifying. They have reproduced a large section of Central
London, including the Wyndham's Theatre from about ten years ago.
But the only thing they've missed out in the Angus Steakhouse. But
it's so creepy. They've done it on an absolutely colossal scale, I
saw the pictures and I couldn't quite believe it. Sorry. That was a
total side issue. [Pause] I would go with Mycroft to... gosh. Well
I think I'd probably let him take me into the dark heart of the
government. See what was going on. No, I'd ask him to take me to
Baskerville. See the dogs the size of horses, things like that.
Audience Question 26: I was wondering, if the two worlds
of Doctor Who and Sherlock were to collide, how that would pan out
in your opinion? And also, if your characters were to have
something printed on a t-shirt, what would that be?
Mark: Well obviously we get this a lot really, it could happen
but I don't think it should. It's much better in people's heads
than anything we could come up with I think. Anything could sort of
happen in the Doctor's world, but I've never been a fan of that
kind of crossover thing, I don't get it, it feels reductive. You
end up with a sort of mash up of things and you don't know where to
look really. So I don't think so. How would it pan out? Steven
always says that they'd hate each other, as they'd both be trying
to be the cleverest in the room. Someone's done a really brilliant
one on YouTube, with Matt Smith and Benedict, it's rather
incredible. The TARDIS appearing in Baker Street is like broadcast
ready, it's amazing. What would I have on a t-shirt? [Pause] "Get
Out."
[Audience laughs]
Andrew: Oh I don't know. 'My other t-shirt is clean.'
Mark: 'Ignored Mastermind, went to London, all he got was this
lousy t-shirt.'
Andrew: [American accent] 'Beach body ready.'
Mark: Yeah!
[Audience applause]
Andrew: I'll stop saying that now, I'm sorry.
Audience Question 27: Hello, I'm Chelsea from Arizona in
the States.
Mark: Hello. Is there anyone called Arizona from Chelsea?
[Andrew laughs]
Audience Question 27: It would be like the perfect
match. We've been visiting for the past couple of weeks and we're
rewatching some of the episodes and noticed that when Mary's face
is projected on Lennister Gardens, we're staying on that
street.
Mark: Really? Wow. You know it's absolutely true, the second
time I came to London when I was a kid, 1979, we stayed in
Lennister Gardens. Odd isn't it. Probably stayed in the same
hotel.
Audience Question 27: It's beautiful. We hadn't even
noticed that it was real.
Mark: Oh yeah, it's all real.
Audience Question 27: I was curious, things like that,
different sites in the town, do you know those personally, do you
get together as writers and go out and find things?
Mark: We had a thing from the beginning, once we were going to
do a 21st Century version, about making London as important in our
version as it was in Doyle's, and sort of fetishizing the modern
city. So we made a point, even though we shoot most of it in
Cardiff, of coming to London to make sure we got the new
architecture and also the old, but particularly the modernity of
it. But Lennister Gardens is a thing, I'm mad about the Tube, I'm
obsessed with London Underground, and that was a little fact I
discovered ages ago, that there is this extraordinary fake facade,
because it sounds like something from Sherlock Holmes! The idea of
putting the real fact in, and then people go there and go 'God,
it's actually true', it's just one of those wonderful little quirky
things that Boris Johnson is trying to destroy.
[Audience laughs]
Audience Question 27: Do you ever get the cast together
to talk about places to shoot?
Mark: We haven't yet, we're going to dinner tonight, we could
have a little conflab. Anyone want to go? I want to make a serious
political point, genuinely I love London, I'm very worried about
what's happened to London, it's a building site at the moment.
Everywhere you go, great tracts of it are being demolished
apparently with no one's say-so. Soho is being drained...
Andrew: Absolutely all its character.
Mark: ...almost every gay venue seems to be closing, the life
blood of the place is just going into skyscrapers, and it's all the
fault of the man who is going to be our next Prime Minister. I'll
leave you with that thought.
Audience Question 28: I was wondering if I could get an
evil Moriarty laugh from Andrew?
Mark: Do a new one!
[Andrew performs an intentionally feeble, high pitched giggle
which results in a coughing fit]
Andrew: I don't like you. [Mark laughs] I'm only joking, I do
like you. I think evil laughs, it's so funny about an evil laugh.
I've never heard Moriarty doing an evil laugh, so when people ask
me to do evil laughs, I always think that's just based on a
villain, villain's evil laugh, but actually Moriarty doesn't laugh,
doesn't have an evil laugh, because people who have an evil laugh
are obviously villains, and we've really tried not to do the evil
laugh! I still feel really guilty for saying I don't like you, I
don't mean that at all!
[Audience laughs]
Mark: That was a Moriarty thing to say, that's good. It's a
Moriarty thing to say.
Andrew: It's a Moriarty thing to say. But I don't have an evil
laugh for you unfortunately. So pathetic, what an answer! [Andrew
releases another high pitched laugh]
Moderator: We're out of time, that was a very strange
experience for me, there we go. Please raise the roof for the
lovely Mark Gatiss and Andrew Scott!
